My wife and I read the piece together. We have taught creative writing to your audience, 5th-6th grade, they will love this story.
A few quotes from Mary K,
"Beautiful opening paragraph." "Bo is full of lingering images from our own wishing well that we are too afraid to accept." "Our writing classes will love this book."
Attached are the first two chapters of Chasing Bo with comments.
Key comments and questions are:
Great opening paragraph setting up the location, and most importantly, the two key characters. I also like thinking of the carp that Tramp chased as they rolled on the shore of Lake of the Isles.
Father – son theme emerges with power.
A Fantasy world for sportsmen takes shape.
When did you create this cast of characters, human and surreal?
Chasing Bo has "Father/Son" and "Time Rivers" themes, among others.
These themes are also in a new book by George Saunders, "Lincoln in the Bardo."
In Saunders book, Abe returns to the cemetary where 11 year old son Willie has been laid to rest. The narration comes from souls, including Willie's, that are in a kind of purgatory discussing their past lives.
Saunders characters, especially Abe and Willie, try to find and affect their own Time-Rivers.
Great work on this. Sorry it's taken me so long to get comments to you.
You've done some excellent world building here. You've chosen some superb sensory details to evoke The Vast, from its sights and sounds and smells to descriptions of the creatures and the way the characters speak. Feels like the world is growing up around us as we read. I also love how you root the story in our hero's very real, tangible, relatable longing for his lost father before we take a turn for the obviously fantastic. This is a story set not in our world, but it is a story tied very intimately to human feelings.
Futher, you sprinkle in several mysterious elements that make we want to learn more—that keep me turning the pages! First, there's the big one: Pa is dead, and we know that this story is, in part, the tale of his death. Foreboding, to say the least! Second: what's the deal with Treater's fish? Why does Treater always keep it in his sight? How does it survive with no food or fresh water? Third: there's definitely more to learn about Pa's two years in the stone hut. There's a reason he doesn't spend too much time there anymore. And there's a reason his son is only learning about it now.
Great, great work, friend. I look forward to reading more! I've sent you a link to a Google Doc with comments. Hopefully you can open it okay!
My wife and I read the piece together. We have taught creative writing to your audience, 5th-6th grade, they will love this story.
ReplyDeleteA few quotes from Mary K,
"Beautiful opening paragraph."
"Bo is full of lingering images from our own wishing well that we are too afraid to accept."
"Our writing classes will love this book."
Attached are the first two chapters of Chasing Bo with comments.
Key comments and questions are:
Great opening paragraph setting up the location, and most importantly, the two key characters. I also like thinking of the carp that Tramp chased as they rolled on the shore of Lake of the Isles.
Father – son theme emerges with power.
A Fantasy world for sportsmen takes shape.
When did you create this cast of characters, human and surreal?
Rural ag-sports dialog says self-sufficient population.
Ma & the Keepers would love Jamestown, ND
Treater is a character with vision that comes from gadgets he creates. Almost like he is hearing a book being read to him.
Love to see illustrations.
Love this addition. Where did the first and now second father -son narration come from?
Hurry up with the next piece that you must share with us.
Bill
Emailed the two chapters with comments.
ReplyDeleteWriters,
ReplyDeleteChasing Bo has "Father/Son" and "Time Rivers" themes, among others.
These themes are also in a new book by George Saunders, "Lincoln in the Bardo."
In Saunders book, Abe returns to the cemetary where 11 year old son Willie has been laid to rest. The narration comes from souls, including Willie's, that are in a kind of purgatory discussing their past lives.
Saunders characters, especially Abe and Willie, try to find and affect their own Time-Rivers.
Bill
Hi Andy,
ReplyDeleteGreat work on this. Sorry it's taken me so long to get comments to you.
You've done some excellent world building here. You've chosen some superb sensory details to evoke The Vast, from its sights and sounds and smells to descriptions of the creatures and the way the characters speak. Feels like the world is growing up around us as we read. I also love how you root the story in our hero's very real, tangible, relatable longing for his lost father before we take a turn for the obviously fantastic. This is a story set not in our world, but it is a story tied very intimately to human feelings.
Futher, you sprinkle in several mysterious elements that make we want to learn more—that keep me turning the pages! First, there's the big one: Pa is dead, and we know that this story is, in part, the tale of his death. Foreboding, to say the least! Second: what's the deal with Treater's fish? Why does Treater always keep it in his sight? How does it survive with no food or fresh water? Third: there's definitely more to learn about Pa's two years in the stone hut. There's a reason he doesn't spend too much time there anymore. And there's a reason his son is only learning about it now.
Great, great work, friend. I look forward to reading more! I've sent you a link to a Google Doc with comments. Hopefully you can open it okay!
Riley