Tramp - The Finished Product

Here are the final pages. I hope it leaves you hanging with questions.  And, I want to hear all of them.

New Schedule

Gents, here is the new schedule.

December 18 - Bill
January 8 - Andy
January 29 - Riley
February 19 - Alan
March 11 - David

Eddie and Goob Chapter Four

Hey guys, one other thing. The story has two more chapters, but after reading chapter four to my wife tonight, I feel like maybe this is where it should end. I know this makes it too short to be a normal kids book. But I feel like all my themes sort of wrap up nicely here. And I really struggled with the chapters after this. Maybe I could use those chapters as material for another book. What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

War and Albert

I have two shorter pieces. One is a new piece that's 12 pages long. I wrote the first three pages of it for a Hamline residency, which Andy has read. I'm finally getting around to doing some more work on it. The other piece is the first five pages from Albert No-name. It's a different scene and it's in first person.

On the war story I'd like to know where you think this story is going or where you think would be a cool way for it to go. Also, is there potential for a 200 page book.

On Albert I'm mostly interested in knowing how you feel about the first person approach.

As always, any other comments you have are very much apprieciated.

I'll email them to you,

Thanks,
Alan

(More) Dark is the Night

Yo, Write-Fuers. Got another few scenes of Dark is the Night for you. I’ve been writing this story in out-of-sequence excerpts so I apologize if the scenes are a bit disjointed. Hopefully it’s not too jarring.

The first scene starts right after Simon encounters Thomas for the first time (which I think was the last excerpt of this story that I submitted to Write Fu). Thomas was all bloody and weak and frightened in the Winnebago, said he’d been drinking dog’s blood. Simon bolted.

A bunch of stuff happens after that, including a rather uncomfortable dinner that Simon’s mom hosts for the Kellermans (Jessi, the mean girl from Simon’s school, and her mom, local socialite and conspicuous do-gooder). Simon’s mom is supposed to be working on a library charity event with Mrs. Kellerman (but is finding that in order to be involved with the project, she has to jump through hoops for Mrs. Kellerman, who is some kind of charity gatekeeper). We learn that Jessi’s a little protégé of her mother, too. She does fundraisers at school (and is in charge of raising money for a class trip to D.C.—which she wants to change to a trip to California—to do “volunteer” work). The dinner does not go well, but it gets Simon thinking about doing good…

Then, the Thanksgiving scene.

Finally, another scene with Simon and Ingrid.

Any and all thoughts & comments appreciated. Mostly concerned about voice and flow. And general readability. Do things make sense? I mean, there should be some mystery, but there shouldn't be out and out confusion. I want to intrigue you to read on, not confuse you, piss you off, and drive you away.

Thanks as always!
Riley

Bobby, Steve & Lacey

Andy,

Here are my comments on "Steve, Bobby and Lacey." You have to start writing between 3 & 5 am. That way, the rest of life won't get in the way of the rest of this story. I'll buy the book.

Love the characters, their plight and yearning and all the rest of our MFA terms. Bottom line, I know I am in the hands of a good writer as I read this story. By the way, that is a Ron Koertge line.

I am off to Mayo next week to speak at a conference. I am using all my writing and teaching tools to make a 50 minute presentation on the use of "Social Media In A Rural Hospital."

Bill

Eddie & Goob - A Late Comment

Maybe you have a story inside you that deals with your relief work. Eddie & Goob solve a few problems, save a few lives, bring Bert & ZubZub to help, maybe even bring Alien.

Back to the story at hand. The theme to me is Eddie's ability to balance home life (reality) with new friends that are as real, but teach him more or allow him to illustrate lessons that will help kids gain their own identity.

To me, that is the brilliance of the story. It can lead to Eddie solving problems at home based on what he learned with Goob - who could be real or not. Your readers won't care. They just need
reninforcement to get through the day.

I see the audience as kids that want direction on basic good-bad issues.

There are movie producers out there waiting for your creativity.

Riley's Rest

This is late, but Riley's work needs further comments.

Superb writing. Great story. Can't get a better combination.

With a few hints about Meagan, could be a complete short story.

But also very worthy of a YA? novel. Almost adult with a few adjustments.

The rabbit - girl // death analogy is aching for development.

Fall 2011 Schedule

Hey guys!
Sorry I didn't get this up earlier. This is the schedule for the next write fu rotation. Jason, Chris and Daniel, we miss your invaluable contributions to write fu but understand how life gets. Whenever you want to join back in, just let me know and I'll be thrilled to put you back in the rotation.

September 4 - Bill
September 25 - Andy
October 16 - Riley
November 6 - Alan
November 27 - David

September 3 Posting: "The Dog & HIs Boy"

Just sent 18 new pages. Can't believe I actually got it down. Tramp meets new victims of Rodney's "Talented Animal-Napping"ring. And, he learns about making humans hear him.

Let me know if Tramp's world works.

I still have two bits to comment on. I will.

Out of the Loop...

Gentlemen, so sorry I have been away.  I have not been writing fiction this past year, mostly non-fiction.  I have an article out this month in VOYA (Voice of Youth Advocates) Magazine (August 2011), "Blume, Burgess, and Beyond: Sexuality and the Young Adult Novel," with my wife Nicholle (pg 16-18 in the digital version).

I have taught classes this past summer on writing (journal and biographical sketches mostly) and am really trying to get back on the horse.  I am teaching adjunct as a second job for Colorado Tech, the pay is STUPID good, but it is online and time consuming.

Cheryl Bardoe stopped by this summer for a great evening of friendship and stories, and I truly miss the Hamline crew.  I am anticipating on going to the Alumni weekend Summer 2012, and I will be there for graduation, too. I will also probably be presenting at the NCTE (National Council of Teachers of English) National Conference in Las Vegas, November 2012 (wink-wink, bro-cation anyone?)

Anyway, I just wanted to drop a line on Write Fu and let everyone know that I am "okay" :) and trying to get back into writing mode.  I have been writing again for the last few days, and it is fun, but time consuming. I wish I had a couple more hours in each day! Where are those magical time-stopping-clocks? 

Keep writing my friends! Heeeeeiiiiii-YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

For those of you who might be interested (and haven't already heard it), here's the song I was talking about in reference to Eddie and Goob. Togetherness!

Eddie and Goob chapter 3

Hey guys do you feel like this story stays true to the tone and heart of Eddie and Goob or does it get sidetracked? I'd also like to have more fun with this chapter in terms of language and humor. Any comments about anything are appreciated.

Albert No-name

This will be the first 21 pages of Albert No-name again. Sorry. I just don't feel like it has been what I want.

All comments are very welcome. I especially would like to know if I'm improving things or just muddying the waters.

I'll email the piece to each of you.

Thanks,
Alan

Rest

Hi fellas,

This is a revision of a short story that I once submitted to workshop at Hamline (actually for my first workshop during my first semester at Hamline).  I'm at a tough point in my novel draft right now, and I thought it might be nice to try a short story again (and have the chance to "complete" something).  Let me know what you think about the two central characters.  Do you get a good sense of who each is?  Are they too similar? Do they feel authentic? Or flat? What about the dialogue? How is it working? Is it not working? Also, what does this story mean to you?  What do you feel is its theme? 

I'd, as always, greatly appreciate any other thoughts/feedback you might have, too  Thanks in advance for your help!

Write on!

Riley

Clutch

Hi everyone,

Here's the opening for Clutch (which used to be Kid Clutch and, before that, Rattled). 

I've been using a different approach. Basically, for the past four months, I've been doing all sorts of prewriting with Clutch in an attempt to gain as much knowledge about the story world (characters' motivations and relationships, sensory knowledge of all the settings, possible scenes and scene sequences,etc.) as possible. So this is actually the first scene I've drafted in months, and it may be a little bloated. I'd just like to know how you react to what's here. And, as always, I'm uber-grateful for your brilliant feedback! 

Best,

Andy

 

(Note from Riley: Hi Andy.  I posted your original E-mail message here so I'd have a place to put my comments on Clutch. Hope you don't mind!  Great work, by the way!)

Tramp Is Taken Captive

I am emailing the next 14 pages of "The Dog And His Boy." Tramp is taken captive by Rodney Smithers, the leisure suit wearing uncle of Big Bob. I am looking for comments and suggestions on the characters and the progress of the mystery and the mess Tramp is in.

Tramp Is Taken Captive

I am emailing the next 14 pages of "The Dog And His Boy." Tramp is taken captive by Rodney Smithers, the leisure suit wearing uncle of Big Bob. I am looking for comments and suggestions on the characters and the progress of the mystery and the mess Tramp is in.

Schedule

Bill - April 17
Andy -  May 8
Riley - May 29
Alan - June 19
Chris - July 10
David - July 31
Jason - August 21
Daniel - September 11

Eddie and Goob

Gentlemen,

I've sent you the first two chapters of Eddie and Goob. Please channel your 7-11 year old boy self and let me know what works for you and what doesn't, as well as any other general comments you have.

As always, thanks for spending some time in my brain and offering up your thoughtful impressions.

Your friend in fu,

Dave

.docx

Hi fellas!

Just wonder if I could make a request as I've run into this problem with a few of your manuscripts. My computer (I use an older Mac) cannot open .docx files. If you use a newer Microsoft-based computer, you likely send your manuscript in the .docx format, which is totally cool because most (normal) people can read these files no problem. But I'm not normal, and I can't.  So if you wouldn't mind sending a .doc or .pdf format out as a secondary option for viewing your manuscripts, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Riley

Benefits of Write Fu

I have finally revised "The Dog And His Boy" using the suggestions from my last submission. It was like having 5 editors from the best kids publishing house in the US, reading, analyzing, commenting and basically improving the manuscript.

Maybe the next step is putting a virtual tour together for 8 kids ebooks.

Thank you to all the Write Fu editorial staff.


Bill

Untitled piece of ?

I forgot to write in the FU.

Any comments are welcome on the short bit I e-mailed a week or so ago, which was a brainstorm/noodling about session.

Stephen Fry on language

Hello, my fellows,

Here's a fun YouTube video by actor-comedian Stephen Fry. It's all about enjoying language--"Tickle the ones we talk to," Fry says!

CONGRATULATIONS, CHRIS!!!

Just shouting out a congrats to Chris for finishing the MFA!!!

Albert Part II

I'll be emailing my piece to each of you.