Rest

Hi fellas,

This is a revision of a short story that I once submitted to workshop at Hamline (actually for my first workshop during my first semester at Hamline).  I'm at a tough point in my novel draft right now, and I thought it might be nice to try a short story again (and have the chance to "complete" something).  Let me know what you think about the two central characters.  Do you get a good sense of who each is?  Are they too similar? Do they feel authentic? Or flat? What about the dialogue? How is it working? Is it not working? Also, what does this story mean to you?  What do you feel is its theme? 

I'd, as always, greatly appreciate any other thoughts/feedback you might have, too  Thanks in advance for your help!

Write on!

Riley

Clutch

Hi everyone,

Here's the opening for Clutch (which used to be Kid Clutch and, before that, Rattled). 

I've been using a different approach. Basically, for the past four months, I've been doing all sorts of prewriting with Clutch in an attempt to gain as much knowledge about the story world (characters' motivations and relationships, sensory knowledge of all the settings, possible scenes and scene sequences,etc.) as possible. So this is actually the first scene I've drafted in months, and it may be a little bloated. I'd just like to know how you react to what's here. And, as always, I'm uber-grateful for your brilliant feedback! 

Best,

Andy

 

(Note from Riley: Hi Andy.  I posted your original E-mail message here so I'd have a place to put my comments on Clutch. Hope you don't mind!  Great work, by the way!)