(More) Dark is the Night

Yo, Write-Fuers. Got another few scenes of Dark is the Night for you. I’ve been writing this story in out-of-sequence excerpts so I apologize if the scenes are a bit disjointed. Hopefully it’s not too jarring.

The first scene starts right after Simon encounters Thomas for the first time (which I think was the last excerpt of this story that I submitted to Write Fu). Thomas was all bloody and weak and frightened in the Winnebago, said he’d been drinking dog’s blood. Simon bolted.

A bunch of stuff happens after that, including a rather uncomfortable dinner that Simon’s mom hosts for the Kellermans (Jessi, the mean girl from Simon’s school, and her mom, local socialite and conspicuous do-gooder). Simon’s mom is supposed to be working on a library charity event with Mrs. Kellerman (but is finding that in order to be involved with the project, she has to jump through hoops for Mrs. Kellerman, who is some kind of charity gatekeeper). We learn that Jessi’s a little protégé of her mother, too. She does fundraisers at school (and is in charge of raising money for a class trip to D.C.—which she wants to change to a trip to California—to do “volunteer” work). The dinner does not go well, but it gets Simon thinking about doing good…

Then, the Thanksgiving scene.

Finally, another scene with Simon and Ingrid.

Any and all thoughts & comments appreciated. Mostly concerned about voice and flow. And general readability. Do things make sense? I mean, there should be some mystery, but there shouldn't be out and out confusion. I want to intrigue you to read on, not confuse you, piss you off, and drive you away.

Thanks as always!
Riley

Bobby, Steve & Lacey

Andy,

Here are my comments on "Steve, Bobby and Lacey." You have to start writing between 3 & 5 am. That way, the rest of life won't get in the way of the rest of this story. I'll buy the book.

Love the characters, their plight and yearning and all the rest of our MFA terms. Bottom line, I know I am in the hands of a good writer as I read this story. By the way, that is a Ron Koertge line.

I am off to Mayo next week to speak at a conference. I am using all my writing and teaching tools to make a 50 minute presentation on the use of "Social Media In A Rural Hospital."

Bill