Bill,
What an opening! As arresting and exciting as any opening I've read in recent memory, and I've been reading many (lots of short stories)!
I particularly like how you dramatize Eric's personal conflict immediately. His response to discovering the body is complex and conflicted--a part of him feels the urge to leave the body there and continue on with his life as if nothing had happened, while another part of him feels a bond with the body of the person he has discovered, and I wonder if it's that tug of compassion that foretells Eric going on a quest/mission/investigation to try finding truth and justice.
Maybe some questions about the role of Eric's compassion might help you imagine and generate: What role does Eric's compassion play in this story? How does it help him in trying to find truth and justice? Is his compassion ever a vulnerability? And I wonder, does he ever encounter more situations in which he has to choose between walking away from from his pursuit of the truth (perhaps for safety or simply so he live a life free of the burdens of his quest) and soldiering on to figure out who killed Mrs. Richardson?
Eric is set up as a truth-seeker. He observes how Sheriff Dudley doesn't really seem to ask too many questions, as if he already knows the facts, and I think this bothers him the way that things that give off whiffs something's-not-quite-rightedness (how's that for a made-up word? POW!) do bother those characters who feel that driving desire for truth and justice. And to make sure that Eric as driven and sharp as possible, make the villain as driven and sharp as you can! It takes a very clever sleuth character to catch a very clever villain!
Also, I like how you've drawn the characters into tight conflict. The victim isn't just someone Eric doesn't know; it's one of his teachers--a teacher he likes. And his mother knew this teacher. And his father knows Sheriff Dudley, who may or may not have been involved in the murder but will certainly be involved in the investigation!
I also like that Eric's vulnerable in terms of his skiing talent. It seems like he can't take the tough hills and others know this (Sheriff Dudley, for example, barbs him about this--an early attack from the villain?).
Since I'm working on a mystery/suspense, too, I thought I'd ask: Have you found any good resources as far as police investigation, etc.? I've been using two from the "Howdunit" series--
Forensics and
Police Procedure & Investigation--that have been pretty helpful.
In short, Bill, bravo!!! How has the story been going?
