Albert No-name

Here's a substantial rewrite of Albert No-name. I feel like the first version had a lot of issues. I'm interested in knowing what you think of the sequence of events, amount of info. given, general readability and whatever else catches your eye or you think needs something. Basically what works and what doesn't.

Poetry Teaching

The two weeks have gone by too quickly. We worked with 210 sophomores in ten different classes at Jamestown High School teaching a class on writing a poem.

Had them answer a question at the end of the 55 minute session. "What did I learn today?"

A few of the comments.

"Poetry is heart. Thank you!"

"I learned about other people's feelings and how to expess myself in a way that's not demeaning or painful,"

"Look down inside of ourselves to find something meaningful,"

"Poetry comes from the soul not the mind. Do not hesitate."

My admiration for classroom teachers grows each time I enter this world. And, my amazement at how much the kids know, and have experienced in their short lives, grows.

Congratulations to all the teachers reading this.

Dark is the Night (chapters 4 and 5)

Hi all!

This excerpt picks up exactly where the last piece I posted (in July, I think?) leaves off. Hopefully you had the chance to read it, because you might be a bit lost otherwise. But I'll try to catch you up. Chapter 1 begins on December 20 (the dates are maybe slightly different in the draft of chapters 1-4 that I sent in July). Simon chats with an old man—in a Winnebago that appears to be hastily fashioned into a bloodmobile—about an impending crisis. Then the chapters alternate between the events of December 20-21 (as the crisis unfolds) and the month leading up to the crisis. During the “backtrack” chapters, we meet Simon’s mom, his brother Benjy, his best friend and partner-in-crime Mark (they conduct “missions,” including one during the morning announcements at school in chapter 4), and the cute and exciting new girl Ingrid. The chapters I've sent (5 and 6) continue the alternating pattern—chapter 5 is near the crisis point and chapter 6 backtracks to an exploration of the Winnebago Simon sees outside his kitchen window in chapter 2. Hope that helps!

I'm looking for feedback on movement, voice, characterization, and any other help you can offer.  Is the story, for instance, COHERENT!? If you haven't read the 20 pages that precede this excerpt yet (and would like to), OR if you're completely lost with these chapters (because I stink at synopses), I can send you the first 20 pages and you can comment on them instead of (or, if you're ambitious, in addition to) these 12 pages.