Albert No-name

This will be the first 21 pages of Albert No-name again. Sorry. I just don't feel like it has been what I want.

All comments are very welcome. I especially would like to know if I'm improving things or just muddying the waters.

I'll email the piece to each of you.

Thanks,
Alan

Rest

Hi fellas,

This is a revision of a short story that I once submitted to workshop at Hamline (actually for my first workshop during my first semester at Hamline).  I'm at a tough point in my novel draft right now, and I thought it might be nice to try a short story again (and have the chance to "complete" something).  Let me know what you think about the two central characters.  Do you get a good sense of who each is?  Are they too similar? Do they feel authentic? Or flat? What about the dialogue? How is it working? Is it not working? Also, what does this story mean to you?  What do you feel is its theme? 

I'd, as always, greatly appreciate any other thoughts/feedback you might have, too  Thanks in advance for your help!

Write on!

Riley

Clutch

Hi everyone,

Here's the opening for Clutch (which used to be Kid Clutch and, before that, Rattled). 

I've been using a different approach. Basically, for the past four months, I've been doing all sorts of prewriting with Clutch in an attempt to gain as much knowledge about the story world (characters' motivations and relationships, sensory knowledge of all the settings, possible scenes and scene sequences,etc.) as possible. So this is actually the first scene I've drafted in months, and it may be a little bloated. I'd just like to know how you react to what's here. And, as always, I'm uber-grateful for your brilliant feedback! 

Best,

Andy

 

(Note from Riley: Hi Andy.  I posted your original E-mail message here so I'd have a place to put my comments on Clutch. Hope you don't mind!  Great work, by the way!)

Tramp Is Taken Captive

I am emailing the next 14 pages of "The Dog And His Boy." Tramp is taken captive by Rodney Smithers, the leisure suit wearing uncle of Big Bob. I am looking for comments and suggestions on the characters and the progress of the mystery and the mess Tramp is in.

Tramp Is Taken Captive

I am emailing the next 14 pages of "The Dog And His Boy." Tramp is taken captive by Rodney Smithers, the leisure suit wearing uncle of Big Bob. I am looking for comments and suggestions on the characters and the progress of the mystery and the mess Tramp is in.

Schedule

Bill - April 17
Andy -  May 8
Riley - May 29
Alan - June 19
Chris - July 10
David - July 31
Jason - August 21
Daniel - September 11

Eddie and Goob

Gentlemen,

I've sent you the first two chapters of Eddie and Goob. Please channel your 7-11 year old boy self and let me know what works for you and what doesn't, as well as any other general comments you have.

As always, thanks for spending some time in my brain and offering up your thoughtful impressions.

Your friend in fu,

Dave