Kid Clutch and The Breeze

Hey everybody,

I've sent you the opening chapters of Kid Clutch and The Breeze--the new incarnation of Rattled.

I've been working hard to re-imagine this story--lots of rewriting and experimentation. In this draft, I'm giving dual narrators a try, and I've tried to amp up Brian's reason for suddenly moving to Winona (though that reason isn't revealed yet in this opening section, do I give enough that the reason seems significant?). I've also been working on deepening the story of the other main character, Trina. Are you drawn into her storyline?

At this point, what I'm interested in is ratcheting up the story's significance and its feeling--does the story hit you where it counts? Maybe some things do but some things don't? I'd love your insights you have into these characters, questions you can pose to help me imagine the characters more fully, and any other suggestions and possibilities you can offer.

Thanks, guys!

The Dog and His Boy

I have posted the most recent pages via email. Tramp is cleverly leading Colin.......well, that is what I want the reader to think. Let me know if it is working.

Group A

Group A Schedule

Sept 19 - Bill
Oct 3 - Chris
Oct 17 - Alan
Oct 31 - David

Very good.

Group B

Group B Schedule

Sept 19 - Andy
Oct 3 - Riley
Oct 17 - Jason
Oct 31 - Daniel

Dark is the Night

Hi all,

Sorry this is so damn late. I am a bad person.

What you have now is the first four chapters of a YA novel I'm working on. Dave, you've read most (not all) of this already, but I think it's new to everyone else.

Some questions (similar to Andy's):

1. What's working? Not?

2. How's the characterization?

3. Is the protagonist sympathetic?

4. Given what’s here (especially in chapter one), what are your expectations? Where do you see the story going? What contract do you expect to be fulfilled?

Thanks!
Riley

The Dog and His Boy

I have emailed the pages to the team.

New Title: The Dog and His Boy.

Less telling, more showing.

Bobby Sigley is not an evil cat killer, now he is a.....

Let me know what you think of the pacing, the characters, the direction you see the story going.

Rattled

Hey everyone,

I've attached the opening chapters of Rattled, a YA novel I'm working on. These are the first 20 pages of what might end being around 300 (just so you have an idea of what this opening chunk is in comparison to what the whole story arc might end up being).

My concerns:

1) Is my protagonist sympathetic?

2) Does the story draw you on? Does it move with good velocity?

3) What's working well and what isn't?

4) Where do you imagine the story going from here?

Thanks, guys! Happy Fathers Day to all of you fathers!

Andy