War and Albert

I have two shorter pieces. One is a new piece that's 12 pages long. I wrote the first three pages of it for a Hamline residency, which Andy has read. I'm finally getting around to doing some more work on it. The other piece is the first five pages from Albert No-name. It's a different scene and it's in first person.

On the war story I'd like to know where you think this story is going or where you think would be a cool way for it to go. Also, is there potential for a 200 page book.

On Albert I'm mostly interested in knowing how you feel about the first person approach.

As always, any other comments you have are very much apprieciated.

I'll email them to you,

Thanks,
Alan

(More) Dark is the Night

Yo, Write-Fuers. Got another few scenes of Dark is the Night for you. I’ve been writing this story in out-of-sequence excerpts so I apologize if the scenes are a bit disjointed. Hopefully it’s not too jarring.

The first scene starts right after Simon encounters Thomas for the first time (which I think was the last excerpt of this story that I submitted to Write Fu). Thomas was all bloody and weak and frightened in the Winnebago, said he’d been drinking dog’s blood. Simon bolted.

A bunch of stuff happens after that, including a rather uncomfortable dinner that Simon’s mom hosts for the Kellermans (Jessi, the mean girl from Simon’s school, and her mom, local socialite and conspicuous do-gooder). Simon’s mom is supposed to be working on a library charity event with Mrs. Kellerman (but is finding that in order to be involved with the project, she has to jump through hoops for Mrs. Kellerman, who is some kind of charity gatekeeper). We learn that Jessi’s a little protégé of her mother, too. She does fundraisers at school (and is in charge of raising money for a class trip to D.C.—which she wants to change to a trip to California—to do “volunteer” work). The dinner does not go well, but it gets Simon thinking about doing good…

Then, the Thanksgiving scene.

Finally, another scene with Simon and Ingrid.

Any and all thoughts & comments appreciated. Mostly concerned about voice and flow. And general readability. Do things make sense? I mean, there should be some mystery, but there shouldn't be out and out confusion. I want to intrigue you to read on, not confuse you, piss you off, and drive you away.

Thanks as always!
Riley

Bobby, Steve & Lacey

Andy,

Here are my comments on "Steve, Bobby and Lacey." You have to start writing between 3 & 5 am. That way, the rest of life won't get in the way of the rest of this story. I'll buy the book.

Love the characters, their plight and yearning and all the rest of our MFA terms. Bottom line, I know I am in the hands of a good writer as I read this story. By the way, that is a Ron Koertge line.

I am off to Mayo next week to speak at a conference. I am using all my writing and teaching tools to make a 50 minute presentation on the use of "Social Media In A Rural Hospital."

Bill

Eddie & Goob - A Late Comment

Maybe you have a story inside you that deals with your relief work. Eddie & Goob solve a few problems, save a few lives, bring Bert & ZubZub to help, maybe even bring Alien.

Back to the story at hand. The theme to me is Eddie's ability to balance home life (reality) with new friends that are as real, but teach him more or allow him to illustrate lessons that will help kids gain their own identity.

To me, that is the brilliance of the story. It can lead to Eddie solving problems at home based on what he learned with Goob - who could be real or not. Your readers won't care. They just need
reninforcement to get through the day.

I see the audience as kids that want direction on basic good-bad issues.

There are movie producers out there waiting for your creativity.

Riley's Rest

This is late, but Riley's work needs further comments.

Superb writing. Great story. Can't get a better combination.

With a few hints about Meagan, could be a complete short story.

But also very worthy of a YA? novel. Almost adult with a few adjustments.

The rabbit - girl // death analogy is aching for development.

Fall 2011 Schedule

Hey guys!
Sorry I didn't get this up earlier. This is the schedule for the next write fu rotation. Jason, Chris and Daniel, we miss your invaluable contributions to write fu but understand how life gets. Whenever you want to join back in, just let me know and I'll be thrilled to put you back in the rotation.

September 4 - Bill
September 25 - Andy
October 16 - Riley
November 6 - Alan
November 27 - David

September 3 Posting: "The Dog & HIs Boy"

Just sent 18 new pages. Can't believe I actually got it down. Tramp meets new victims of Rodney's "Talented Animal-Napping"ring. And, he learns about making humans hear him.

Let me know if Tramp's world works.

I still have two bits to comment on. I will.