Re-imagining HOODIE

Hi everyone,

Attached is a section from my YA novel HOODIE. I rewrote HOODIE--which was my creative thesis--and my agent submitted it. An editor has expressed interest but wants to see the story be bigger, perhaps with the character of Mr. Vanders becoming the true antagonist.

So, I'm going to rewrite HOODIE by making this the plot: Nate (the main character) forms a plan with his ex-best friend, Eric Vanders, to murder Mr. Vanders, Eric's abusive father. Nate's prime motivation will be revenge for his friend, but he also wants revenge for Mr. Vanders ruining his chances at going to college (Nate, as you'll see, has a passion for making comics, and he's found a school that will let him do that in his major).

This new "take" will result in a much darker story than the story you'll glimpse in the section I've attached. This dark "re-imagining" of the story will be major and tough, but I'm going to swing for the fence. 

Here are the 2 things I'd like the help of your brilliance with:

1) How will darkening the story in the way I've described alter elements of the story--particularly characters and their relationships. How, for example, might Nate's relationship with Craig, his current best friend, change? I imagine Nate will get secretive, but what else might happen? I guess I'm open to whatever possibilities you brainstorm.

2) Please give me a homework assignment. Seriously. Something you really think that would help me write this story. 

Thank you very much, brilliant writers of WriteFu!

I am sending the first 4 chapters of "The Stranger," the second mystery in the T.K. & Associates series. This is actually a re-writing of what I originally submitted in April, 2012. I went back to the comments from Riley, Andy and Alan, then rewrote after reviewing in depth what they had to say.

Their comments + Mary K's comments gave me exactly what I was looking for.

Please review and let me know what you think of these chapters as a stand alone chapter book.  Do they work for kids that haven't read Tramp 1?

Will send the manuscript in a separate email.

Thanks to all for being the best writer's group on this earth.

Sludge June

Here's another installment of Sludge. There are some name changes. Mr. Rogers is now Dr. Bradshaw, Glade is Sludge, Glade's friend Rob is not Hammer and Sludge's nemesis on the fistball field is now Lora instead of Dora.

Any and all comments are appreciated. What works and how can it be made more engaging to middle-grade readers.

Thanks

Amazon Reviews

Tramp thanks Alan and Dave for their reviews on Amazon.  He is working on his next episode. Very Elementary and with great Observation.

Schedule: SUMMER 2014

Hey everybody,

Below is the new schedule.

Alan, I pushed back the first submission date to give you an extra week.

And Bill, you're down for late June, but if you'd to switch with someone, just let me know and I can change up the schedule.

Happy writing this summer!

June 8th:       Alan
June 29th:     Bill
July 20th:       Andy
August 10th:   Dave
August 31st:    Carolyn

beep, beep, beep, beep

Carolyn , you have written a story that has many origins. Your alma mater as you mention, and one I just made up, I think. 

M. Night Shyamalan's 1999 movie, The Sixth Sense, with Hayley Joel Osment as a boy that sees the dead and Bruce Willis as his therapist. 

Anyway, I love the story no matter where it came from. 

I made a few notes in the manuscript that I sent via email. 

When I write I am 11 not 17 and have no idea what a ya reader wants and can't help with that bit. I do believe Jack and Ronan are linked inexplicably.

I really like ghost stories that have good endings. So, Carolyn, what's next?

Blood and Loot

A swashbuckling adventure for your appraisal. Looking forward to your constructive comments. Thanks gang!