Hi everyone,
Attached is a section from my YA novel HOODIE. I rewrote HOODIE--which was my creative thesis--and my agent submitted it. An editor has expressed interest but wants to see the story be bigger, perhaps with the character of Mr. Vanders becoming the true antagonist.
So, I'm going to rewrite HOODIE by making this the plot: Nate (the main character) forms a plan with his ex-best friend, Eric Vanders, to murder Mr. Vanders, Eric's abusive father. Nate's prime motivation will be revenge for his friend, but he also wants revenge for Mr. Vanders ruining his chances at going to college (Nate, as you'll see, has a passion for making comics, and he's found a school that will let him do that in his major).
This new "take" will result in a much darker story than the story you'll glimpse in the section I've attached. This dark "re-imagining" of the story will be major and tough, but I'm going to swing for the fence.
Here are the 2 things I'd like the help of your brilliance with:
1) How will darkening the story in the way I've described alter elements of the story--particularly characters and their relationships. How, for example, might Nate's relationship with Craig, his current best friend, change? I imagine Nate will get secretive, but what else might happen? I guess I'm open to whatever possibilities you brainstorm.
2) Please give me a homework assignment. Seriously. Something you really think that would help me write this story.
Thank you very much, brilliant writers of WriteFu!
Andy, first of all, congratulations on getting Hoodie looked at again. I’m excited that an editor has read it and looking forward to the news that they’ve bought it. You’ve worked for a long, hard time on this. It shows. Everything is so snappy, with momentum in the dialogue and an authentic feeling of empathy for Nate. Your non-generic verbs do all kinds of work (action, tone, setting) and your metaphors convey Nate’s voice with great humor.
ReplyDeleteI love how we experience his crush on Raquel. You bring back those painful high school feelings so poignantly with things like the emoticon texting dilemma or how he observes her getting out of the car.
As you look into re-writing this as a dark, murder story, the obvious question for me is motivation. The reasons you gave (revenge for his former best friend that’s now his nemesis and for ruining his chances at the college he wanted) don’t strike me as enough motivation to plot and follow through with Mr. Vanders’ murder. For me at least, there’s got to be either a more gut-wrenching reason for revenge or some more urgent reason why Mr. Vanders has got to go. That would probably require exploring Mr. Vanders’ assholery more. Maybe Nate has been the shared recipient, along with Eric, of Mr. Vanders' abuse? That shame is what has driven them apart. But then they come together again (to plot his murder) when they see his abuse being perpetrated on someone they both love. Raquel?
Or maybe you will show why Mr. Vanders has it out for Nate’s family in particular, as opposed to just being an arrogant jerk in general. Is there something more to his professional one-up-manship of his dad? Is he actively plotting the ruin of Nate or his family?
If so, then this is the core affector of Nate and Eric's relationship. This family history and rivalry. When they come together to plot the murder, Craig, in this scenario, might find himself unwilling at some point to take sides with Nate. Nate's murderous designs ultimately drive him away. We already know Craig has a strong mind of his own because he left the webcomic to pursue his own goals. And he serves now as Nate's voice of reason (in the Raquel situation).
Or maybe forget all that, because you want to take us on a journey of Nate’s descent into mental illness? Perhaps the revenge you mentioned is all the motivation he needs, because “it’s what Hoodie would do.” Nate would probably feel increasingly isolated then, like Donnie Darko.
If you’re exploring this line of thinking, then your homework is to watch the movie Secret Window, a murder thriller where the main character has dis-associative identity disorder.
Also, although there isn’t a murder in it, I’d recommend watching The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys too. Although it’s more of a coming-of-age movie than anything else, it shows these boys who create this comic book with their alter identities. Encouraged by the exploits they draw, they carry out mischief and take it too far.
Hope something in here gets your creative wheel spinning. Have a blast with this rewrite Andy!
ReplyDeleteDave was right, this is snappy. The tension in chapter 8 was thick. The encounter with young Vanders and Nate was intense. They hate each other and are in each other’s faces. Then big Vanders ratchets up the tension by being rude and mean about both Nate and Nate’s dad. Then there’s young Vanders’ girlfriend, with whom Nate has something going on, being there physically and via text. Nice.
I love the banter between Craig and Nate. It’s funny, informative and engaging. Totally like a couple of pals. Nice sense of loss when Nate leaves Craig’s place knowing they are still buds but it’s not the same. This leads to a great ending to chapter 9 with Raquel wanting to be introduced on Hoodie as herself. That legitimizes Nate’s comic, especially after it was put down by his dad. Not only is Raquel not embarrassed by her involvement in Nate’s comic, she’s proud of it. And she’s desirable and talented.
I also agree with Dave that Nate’s motivation for murder should be stronger than revenge for having his scholarship messed up and for what Mr. Vanders did to a friend who has become his enemy? Could Nate’s motive focus more on justice or protection? Maybe Nate or someone close to him has been seriously hurt or is in eminent danger from Mr. Vanders. Is Mr. Vanders also abusing or about to abuse someone Nate cares about like Raquel or his mom? Is young Vanders now Nate’s enemy because he’s messed up from being abused by his father? There is the emotional abuse his father suffers from Mr. Vanders, but I would need more. Does Nate discover Mr. Vanders is bent on his father’s business failure? Could, or does, that failure lead to his father’s total emotional collapse and suicide. What does that do to his mom? Could more be piled on that? Why must Mr. Vanders die? Is Mr. Vanders guilty of all these things and more but for some reason untouchable by the authorities? Because Nate is a good person he has to be convinced there is no way to deal with the threat that is Mr. Vanders other than taking matters into his own and young Vanders’ hands. Or he becomes so emotionally distressed that he doesn’t think straight. But if he plans the murder with young Vanders that doesn’t sound like a crime of passion. I like Nate and I like that he’s good. That’s why I root for him. I would find it hard to root for a character who isn’t good or who isn’t pursuing something that he thinks is good or necessary. Ideally, I would like to see something that under the right circumstances might motivate me as the reader.
For a kid that seems so decent to plan murder he has to experience pain or see the need to murder to stop serious pain to himself or others. That pain would have to be intense and the reader would need to experience it with him. I also think here would need to be some build-up in Nate’s own mind. The thought occurs to him but is dismissed several times before he takes it seriously. Maybe he plans it before committing to it.
With that said, Dave brings up a compelling scenario in, The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys where the boys who create a comic book with their alter identities act out those alter identities. When I read that I thought, oooo that’s good. But, do you want Nate to become a nutjob? Maybe, but you would have to be careful not to rush that transformation or readers would feel cheated. You might plant clues along the way that would show Nate was always a bit off. These are clues that people would not notice when first reading but would put them together at the reveal. Those clues could be planted in Nate’s real life or in samples from the Hoodie strip.
My homework is to consider this: If the protagonist must grow, then how does Nate grow? Does he grow because after having Mr. Vanders’ life in his hands he chooses not kill him? Or is his growth not wanting to kill Mr. Vanders but realizing that he has to for the greater good? Or is his growth something else that would be a totally different and delightful surprise? Alternatively, can this be a compelling story if Nate does not grow and actually becomes worse?
All I have to say is thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI've been in the maze of this story for quite a while now, coming to dead end after dead end--and now with your imaginations you've made so many doors just appear in the walls that I feel as if I can explore the maze freely, and there's so much more wondrous maze than I'd ever imagined!
At Thanksgiving dinner this year, I'm going to say, "I'm thankful for WriteFu, the best writing group in this quadrant of the universe! Pass the cranberry sauce!"
All of the above, plus:
ReplyDeleteNow I get why this terrific girl is with asshole Eric, because Eric has a backstory. He needs saving. Many girls fall into the Saving a Damaged Guy trap. Especially girls who are themselves from dysfunctional families, but that's another issue, or six. (but if you need insight...)
Possibility for how Nate learns that Eric is being beaten by his dad: sees bruises on Racquel. Thinks it was Eric who hurt her. Goes for Eric. Racquel says, no, no, it wasn't - Eric's dad went after him and she just got in the way. Makes Eric take off his shirt so Nate can see the scars and bruises. (Homework: write that scene?)
You have sown the seeds in the chunk we just read for Vandermort (oh, I'm so clever) being out to destroy the Franks. Maybe he had an unrequited THING for Nate's mom and crushing their business is his revenge?
Maybe Vandermort has to die for Eric's sake, or because he is also beating up Eric's mother, or because maybe when his mother tried to leave he put her in the hospital and Eric's afraid that when he leaves for college Vandermort will kill her. Maybe Vandermort is a big contributor to the Policemen's fund and no one will touch him. Nate could do research into domestic violence and discover how hard it is to keep victims safe and get perpetrators into prison for any length of time (I believe this is true). Nate could discover that ERIC is planning to kill his dad because of all of the above - but if Eric does it, it will be obvious. If Nate does it, not so much, no motive? Like Strangers on a Train except Nate doesn't need a reciprocal murder.
Nate could write version after version of Hoodie in which Vandermort is dealt with in some other way besides murder and realize that none of them works. Only murder works. But only Raquel and Eric can know - and Raquel only has to know so she can be Eric's iron clad alibi. (Homework: show Nate writing Hoodie versions)
Nate can't tell Craig all of this because the fewer who know, the lower the risk. But suddenly he's not so hostile to Eric anymore and that baffles and angers Craig. (homework: write scene in which Craig rants about what an asshole Eric is and Nate DOES NOT LET ON and Craig knows something is up, but what?)
CAN I HAVE SOME MORE, PLEASE???
Andy,
ReplyDeleteI am skipping the notes I made about your words. "Great, well written, superb." Instead I will focus on the story.
I like Nate a lot, especially now since I can now ask him how to tune up my Trek road bike.
However, I do not want my neices and nephews reading a story about a character that acts on what a lot of us feel. Most of us never put ourselves into a position of life in jail or execution by injection.
I want them to read about a character that feels these emotions but solves the problem he faces with courage and in the end, humanity and common sense.
I want them to be inspired by Nate and Eric and Raquel, and maybe Nate's dad, as they overcome the obstacles that Mr. Vander throws at all of them. He is the Moriarity of this story with his own psychological issues that can be laid out. Even to the point that we feel sorry for him.
Maybe Nate writes a marketing plan for his dad that beats the s___ out of Mr. Vander's business. Maybe they go into business together.
Maybe Nate tries out the idea of a murder by Hoodie that follows his own situation and his fans hate it, ala Caroline.
For your homework, see Jack Lemon in "How to Murder Your Wife." He is a writer that tries out his plots by acting them out.
Maybe look for YA novels where the protagonist could get life in prison.
Back to your words. They are superb!