Yo fellas,
In all honestly, I forgot
(until Wednesday) that I was up next.
And I’ve been working feverishly on a second draft of Dark is the Night (although my progress
thus far would not seem to indicate said feverish pace).
But I really wanted to
submit something. And I wanted to submit something totally new. So I took a break from Dark and spent my shift at the library today working on this piece. It’s four fresh (raw) pages from an idea I’ve
been kicking around for a while (and have probably even mentioned to some of
you—Andy, I think, for sure). I’ll give
no introduction (because it’s the very beginning—and you know as much as I
do!). Just let me know what you think,
what you want to know, what you expect might happen, what you hope will happen,
or whatever else comes to mind as you’re reading.
Thanks in advance for
your always awesome and appreciated feedback!
Ri
Excuse this early response, but I just sent Andy his and if I don’t, I will reenter the world of totally filled 24 hours in a day at Ave Maria Village where I am trying to raise money, edit a memoir, arrange speakers (authors) for a 2013 ND State Reading Conference, sell my books, spend more time with my family and cut the grass. OK enough whining. And still find time for writing. Oh, and do my lesson plan for the featured speaker gig at the Fargo B & N on creative writing on September 20th.
ReplyDeleteSo, this is no small task, but it is made easier by the quality of the writing.
Love the start. My comment sheet is in an e-mail.
I will not compliment the writer any more than I have already. I know I am in the hands of talent and fiery creative energy. It is the story that intrigues me. I want to know how Spielberg discovered and developed his talent. This book will do that and become required reading for every middle grade boy and teacher.
Sorry I can’t write in more detail, but it is only 4 pages.
Thanks, Bill! And good luck with Barnes & Noble gig!
ReplyDeleteRiley,
ReplyDeleteYou’ve laid the foundation for a compelling story here. The protagonist lives in an outdoor vacation paradise that has no appeal for him. He’s also smallish and not athletic. Then there’s movie making that he’s way interested in and that he might be able to do but doesn’t dare try because he knows he can’t compare with the local master. Also, he’s so bad at anything related to film making that he can’t even get a bit in the master’s film.
Tommy Maraschino seems to be everything grand that the protagonist isn’t; he even has a catchy name. You begin with, “Everybody wants to be in Tommy Maraschino’s new movie.” I get the impression that they don’t just want to be in Tommy Maraschino’s film, they want to be Tommy Maraschino; or at least one small boy does. To emphasize this you effectively use the tool of often repeating Tommy Maraschino’s full name and yet the protagonist, so far, has no name at all. Nicely done.
You’ve got a weak, little, overlooked Hobbit here going up against a seemingly all powerful Sauron. I’m rooting for the little guy.
Alan
Thanks, Alan!
ReplyDeleteRiley,
ReplyDeleteWhat voice and setting and atmosphere! (As I just told Riley in the email I sent him, Riley is totally Tommy Maraschino, going into a cave of creative genius and coming out with amazing stories!)
So much is going on in these four pages. There is the potential for Oli vs. Tommy Maraschino conflict, Oli being the little guy and aspiring filmmaker and Tommy Maraschino the Spielberg of the town. Such a conflict would be complicated in a compelling way--Mr Maraschino has shown Oli great kindness. There is the potential hero vs. self conflict of Oli wanting to be involved in filmmaking but not wanting to dare to try being the second second Spielberg (or Maraschino)--and I'm rooting hard for Oli to become the best version of Oli! I love how even his name is short--Oli--in such stark contrast to Tommy Maraschino. Yet there's such heroic potential in him--his intelligence and wit and ingenuity are vivid. I'm hoping that by the end, Oli will be BIG in some sublime, transcendental way.
I agree with what Alan says about the other characters seeming to want to be Tommy Maraschino. And Riley, you do such an awesome job of conjuring Tommy Maraschino's mystique (I don't think I'll ever type just "Tommy" in this feedback--he's Tommy MARASCHINO)--his mystique feels immense and glimmering, like the Northern Lights. And yet I wonder if, like the Northern Lights, the mystique of Tommy Maraschino is all perception. I wonder what the real Tommy Maraschino is like. Human, I bet, as are we all.
Amazing stuff as usual, Riley! Onward!
Thanks, Andy! And thanks again, fellas for the always fabulous feedback. Write On! Write Fu!
ReplyDeleteRi