Hey guys, one other thing. The story has two more chapters, but after reading chapter four to my wife tonight, I feel like maybe this is where it should end. I know this makes it too short to be a normal kids book. But I feel like all my themes sort of wrap up nicely here. And I really struggled with the chapters after this. Maybe I could use those chapters as material for another book. What do you think?
Thanks for reading!
Writing that kicks your ass
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Sorry for being late. However, as I sit at my laptop looking out at Christmas decorations all over our neighborhood, I have the best present in front of me. Eddie & Goob. I am 10 and loving it. The universal themes of togetherness, friendship, overcoming adversity, steadfastness, and more, make a great read and will keep the kids begging for more. You must take the time to complete this book and go to Dreamworks for production. That's the way to get a book published.
ReplyDeleteDave,
ReplyDeleteIn this chapter you're making the most of the imagery--with elegance you describe these beautiful, fantastic events and objects and characters, and because you're evoking through description what's in these characters' hearts, the imagery has profound metaphorical power.
The story does feel as though it ends nicely here. The main conflicts--how Eddie and Goob are going to be able to keep this unique friendship alive--is resolved. I do wonder if there could be some sort of "coda"--perhaps a scene in which Eddie and Goob return to Eddie's home and we see an image of how life is for them now that Eddie knows only those who believe could see Goob. Does that make sense? And it's just a possibility.
You know these characters so well that you use them to create humorous, exciting, entertaining, emotionally satisfying story--a series, perhaps?
As far as the length--I wonder if a publisher would add illustrations, perhaps so the book would be a novel/graphic novel hybrid like a book I bought recently called Dragonbreath (author: Ursula Vernon). It shares some of the whimsy of Eddie and Goob--the main character is a dragon named Danny Dragonbreath who in the opening pages is dreaming of being a pirate!
Awesome work, Dave!!!
Dave,
ReplyDeleteKirk is a great bad guy. I was so mad at him by the time he kicked over Eddie’s snowman I wanted to kick him back over the fence to his own back yard. Of course Eddie doesn’t do that.
Goob is non-confrontational himself so it makes perfect sense that at this point he shrinks further back into the bushes. However, when the chips are down and Kirk the jerk pushes Eddie down then Goob comes to Eddie’s rescue.
The concept that only those who believe can see is a great. It makes Eddie that much more special. It also makes his relationship with Goob much more special. Goob now seems to need Eddie as much as Eddie needs him. Goob has insecurities and Eddie can be there for him. This is something many young kids will relate to and feel empowered by.
Here’s a quick list of how I was affected by the story:
I felt Eddie’s loss after Goob left.
I liked Babe’s dual nature as a star and a winged pony.
It was great that Goob’s last words before being sucked into the black hole was the name of his friend Eddie.
Loved the line, “What happened to you? Sold, I suppose. You lost weight.” That’s what meteors do when they go through the atmosphere.
Another line I particularly enjoyed
was, “Percy, for his part, seemed to be the stoney silent type.”
Disbelief being, or causing, a black hole that swallows up what is real is a powerful idea.
Ending where it does appropriate since the theme that Christmas is about togetherness and it is Christmas day.
I wouldn’t have minded if, at some point, Kirk found himself with his head stuck in the snow; perhaps with his feet sticking up in the air and kicking. He, he.
Good work,
Alan
Hi Dave,
ReplyDeleteSorry this is so incredibly overdue. In the words of Adam Duritz, it’s been a long December. Twice sick kid-o, followed by a sick dad-o. But we had a wonderful, busy, and—thankfully—healthy Christmas. Plus we might be moving to a new apartment, but that’s a whole other story.
Right now, I want to talk about YOUR story. This chapter, like the rest of Eddie and Goob, is full of life and wonder and energy. It’s refreshing and exciting. And I love how the story comes together in the end (figuratively and literally, because it’s all about TOGETHERNESS, after all).
You use beautiful imagery throughout. And the language is often lyrical. I especially love this passage:
A large empty space was growing behind
him. No stars, no light. Just an
empty spot, pulling everything towards
it. Gas from nearby stars ripped away in
whispy streams. Asteroids broke apart
and tumbled towards the dark void.
I also love how you cleverly explain (via Wheee) who can see Goob and why. It’s a lot of information, but it works—I think—without feeling contrived or “telly.” Whee, in general, works well. The character underscores the togetherness theme while also providing key information AND moving the plot forward.
I’ll send you a manuscript with a few comments (mostly about some things I thought might be typos or places I thought you could clarify or tighten language). But mostly, I just want to say HOORAY! Great work!
Riley
P.S. Also LOVED the humor. Alan's right, the Wheee, Percy, and Eddie exchange is delightful. Percy has personality, even without speaking.
ReplyDelete