Monday, February 15, 2016
Jerkules
I started writing this after Andy joked that since my turn was coming on Valentines Day I should write a romance. I thought that was pretty funny but then decided, why not? It starts out with a romantic interest but it's still fantasy. The protag is 14. This is brand new so I'm open to anything such as where you think the story is going or not going. What you know and would like to know or think you know. Hercules is really going to mess things up but I don't really know how yet. Any ideas?
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Alan, you had me at JERKULES!
ReplyDeleteI like main character and narrator Shaun Schueler. He’s a great narrator—he’s likeable, he has a great sense of humor, and I think he has good sense self-awareness of his flaws and weaknesses (perhaps some of this self-awareness was learned during the events of the story, thus giving him the maturity to tell his story well a little while later?). And I like that he has a clear and important yearning (to be a hero like Hercules) and that his idea of being a hero seems likely to evolve as he transforms. Maybe the kind of hero he learns to become has to do something with who he is? It does seem like he’ll learn that Hercules is a jerk (that promises to be fun!), so maybe a possibility is that Shaun spends some time wanting more and more to be like Hercules before realizing he doesn’t? And I wonder, what happens that results in Shaun realizing that Hercules is a jerk? Does Hercules do something?
It occurs to me, too, that Shaun’s a different sort of hero than Sludge is. Sludge is pretty fearless—or maybe he has fear, but he just sort of charges on no matter what the danger. Shaun’s not so willing to charge headlong into danger—though I get the sense that he’d like to be. Shaun, who’s scrawny, also doesn’t have the super-power enhancements that Sludge has had.
I also like that Shaun shows heroic potential early on (he does stand up to the Ratphincs) though he has quite a bit of bravery to gain, as is demonstrated in times when he does things that he knows fearless hero like Hercules wouldn’t do. These moments when Shaun comes up short are pretty comic. When does he complete his transformation and gain bravery, and how does he do this? Does he have some smaller triumphs and failures along the way?
I also like how Shaun has something he thinks he wants (romance from Wendy Wowmier) and that it’s that desire that motivates him to take action and stand up to the Ratphincs. And I like that Dorcas Carpotty has the awareness to see that Shaun didn’t seem to do the heroic thing for the best of reasons. Dorcas Carpotty seems very perceptive and composed. Will she turn out to be more than she seems to be at first? So far, I’ve got a sneaking hunch that she will…
I wonder if there may some fun possibilities as far as playing with the fantasy elements of this world, and really the world itself. I wonder, for example, what is the history of Hercules in this world? Might he be a historical figure rather than a mythical one? Maybe he has popped up at different points throughout history? Maybe people don’t question that he existed or exists? I also wonder, why is Shaun such a huge Hercules fan (maybe he’s a guy searching for some way to be heroic and he sees Hercules as a model)? Where and when did he become such a fan of Hercules? Is it sort of a thing for some reason, and maybe there’s even a Hercules fandom community/subculture or something?
I like that Hercules is going to be out there in contemporary society! I think of other stories that do similar things—Anne Ursu’s books, the Lightning Thief, etc. Will you have other characters from Greek myth enter the story? That could be intriguing, though another possibility is that Hercules could be the last holdover from Heroic Greece, and there might be an interesting reason why. Kelly McCullough, a writer who lives here in little old Menomonie, recently published a MG superhero novel called SCHOOL FOR SIDEKICKS. It’s a superhero story and doesn’t have any elements of Greek myth, but it is about heroes at its heart, and maybe might be an interesting, relevant read.
ReplyDeleteI feel I’d like to see the Scrum a little more vividly, or that more could be made of the Scrum, and I wonder about the possibilities in this setting. There seems to be a lot of shambling going on here, and one of the men Shaun’s with towards the end is zombie-like, if not an actual zombie. Could this part of town simply be a known zombie neighborhood or something? Maybe zombies could figure into the larger overall plot somehow? Maybe I’m lurching after possibilities like a zombie lurches after pretty little butterflies?
I also love the statements loaded with dramatic promise/foreshadowing. (An example is the line that opens Ch. 2—“Missing that bus stop started the chain reaction of doom.” Also, I see now that the opening of the first chapter has lots of dramatic promise—Hercules is a big jerk and the protag is going to butt heads with him!) These “foreshadowings” generate excitement and mystery, and they create a thrilling sense of inevitability. You pay them off as more trouble occurs, and so the reader trusts Shaun’s bold statements about how momentous certain events are. I like that enough time has passed since the events of the story that Shaun can talk about events as if they inevitable, and that he can still tell everything with surprise. Very cool.
This foreshadowing/inevitability is part of the reason I’m so invested in the momentousness of Shaun putting on the hoodie at the end of this submission. I don’t know if he ever outright tells us that the hoodie is so momentous, but he’s suggesting it by saying how he knew he shouldn’t have been putting on such a valuable item, etc. And I like that the chapter closes without telling us exactly how his decision to put on the hoodie affects the plot in a momentous way.
It occurs to me that there may be a way to use the foreshadowing for a joke, maybe two. It might be funny if Shaun said something was on par with “starting the chain reaction of doom.” And then he might say something along the lines of “Actually, it wasn’t really that important. But it sure annoyed the crap out of me.” Or something like that. A possibility!
Alan, as usual, you’ve entertained this reader! If only every reading experience was so pleasurable!
Thanks for sharing!
--Andy
Alan,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE Jerkules. Your comic voice is so perfect here - I especially love the fourth paragraph: "It's the same old story. A wonderful ninth grade boy likes one of the girls, but neither girl likes him. Then boy loses both girls and becomes responsible for the fate of the world and the entire human race. Don't laugh. This sort of thing happens a lot more than people think." There's something about the hyperbole followed by understatement that is just sidesplitting in a totally teenaged boy way.
So Shaun is definitely going to encounter Hercules, and Hercules is a jerk. Andy recommends possibly putting in some actual zombies, but I don't know how well zombies mix with Greek demigods or whatever Hercules was.
Before I forget: I googled Schueler and it is not a Scottish last name, but a German one. You could use Shaw? Shaun Shaw plays well with Wendy Wowmier, IMO.
Also: I don't think you can have the last line of a chapter be "And that's the last thing I remember." Because that would be the end of the story, wouldn't it? (And I don't want it to be the end of the story!!!!!)
Where do I think this could go? Well, he's going to get everything he ever wanted, and (judging by the Shambler's expression) that's not going to be pretty. What does he want? A) Wendy and B) to be Hercules. The huge buildup to putting on the hoody makes it feel like when he does put it on he's going to undergo a transformation - become Hercules? And land in a heroic parallel universe? Maybe one where Wendy and Dorcas appear as demigoddesses or whatnot and while Wendy is what he gets, Dorcas is clearly preferable. (Juicy pimples, thank god, are temporary, and the good thing about dishwater hair is that it takes any color beautifully. I should know.)
And the Ratphincs reappear as some great monsters...
Or am I getting too close to The Lightning Thief etc., which I confess I have not read?
Anyway, WANT MORE!!!!
Carolyn
Also, I really love Shaun himself. I love his vulnerability, and his willingness to take a second look (and listen) at Dorcas when he sees where she comes from. I appreciate that he accepts her judgement about how to get out of the Scrum. As a female reader of a male-centered book, I am glad to see you showing a teenaged boy who accepts that a girl knows what she's talking about and takes her advice. (And I don't mind that you've got the stereotyped nerdy-boy-falls-for-hot-girl trope at the outset, because I think you're probably going to turn that upside down later on. And at least Wendy's not blonde! :-)
ReplyDeleteI have attached by comments on Alan's latest work of, excuse the superlative, genius, and emailed that separately. I am exhausted after the roller coaster ride that this piece has taken me on. Fast pacing, great description, dense detail, honest and thoughtful narrator, emerging mystery.
ReplyDeleteI thought about the influence that Hercules has on Shaun and Dorian Grey, from Oscar Wilde's pen, came to mind. Dorian made a pact with the devil to live forever, and only his portrait aged as Dorian slipped into depravity.
Shaun has made a pact with Hercules and we all hope he escapes Dorian Grey's fate.
By the way, I didn't wait to send this so that I could read Andy and Carolyn's comments, but I am certainly glad that I did. All I can say is ditto.
ReplyDeleteExcuse the "by comments." It should be "my comments." And, BBK, Three Authors from Jamestown," is published.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/William-E.-Kennedy/e/B006QHKLI2