As usual, I'm not providing you much to go on, because I'd like to get your impressions on the writing as it stands (mostly to see if any of it actually makes sense to anyone!). Any and all comments are welcome, and I'd especially love some notes on voice and characterization. Thanks, as always, for reading!
Ri
Writing that kicks your ass
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Riley,
ReplyDeleteThis is so well done. I am reminded of Ferris Bueller 's character from the mid 80's.
#1, Great Writing.
#2, I want to see the first three chapters and the final 20 or 30.
#3, Simon Cade is the kind of strange, weird character that I like. The prank/mission escapades come from some part of his development that I am anxious to know about. But, even more fun is imagining what brought him to be such a lovable prankster. He is a prototype of the kid you want to slightly redirect so that his energies lead to good outcomes, not more time with Ol' Splinter Seat. However,
#4 The time spent is Eckert's office is the most compelling part of this piece. Both characters are fleshed out in such a way that you hope that they continue to spar. The reader will start to guess as to what is next. That will lead to an AHA moment somewhere later in the story.
#5 Simon's "Blinky thing" that Mark points out, suggests that Simon has some form of Tourette's, Asperger's syndrome, Autism. Is that your intention? If it is, I will be sure our library gets 10 copies and arranges a book club.
The Halloween segment could use a bit more showing, a little less telling. Mark and Simon's Missions could somehow come up in a conversation they were having when planning the very cool photo changing escapade.
The character's are strong and easily identified. I have met or would hope to meet the people in this story. Your introduction of pop culture "The Royal Tenenbaums," Gwyneth Paltrow, Cyborg 3, Lucy Ethan, is a cool way to give physical characteristics that in classic literature would be "He was a tall man that walked with a limp and slurred his words." This reminds me of Arthur Phillips novel "The Song is You."
This is very well written. Congratulations!
Bill
Bill
Okay, I'm feeling a little out of practice with giving feedback--and with writing in general!--but here it goes, Riley!
ReplyDeleteBill's got some great comments. Yes, the writing is great! Stupendous! I could read it all day! If this novel were a TV series, I'd binge it and happily disrupt my sleep schedule to do so. I think the quality of writing emerges from the quality of the characterization--Mark's casual, laid-back attitude, for example, provides great opportunities for him to say funny, witty things and to do funny, witty things. He also contrasts with Simon, who worries more and who doesn't seem to like uncertainty. And I like how well these two get along despite the ways they contrast. I like that Mark goes along with Simon to the principal's office. Yeah, he's getting out of the classroom, but he also seems to genuinely care about Simon. I like that Simon asks the principal if Mark is off the hook.
I also love the principal, Eckert. I really like that he's not a) a caricature like the revenge-obsessed principal from Ferris Bueller (though that character is fun!; or b) a by-the-guidelines administrator, which would be a sort of flat character. Eckert takes a genuine concern in Simon and is perceptive--he sees that this prank is harmless but wonders about Simon's underlying motivation for doing these pranks. That's cool. Eckert also voices a conflict at the heart of the story: "It concerns me because you're chipping away at your potential--first by wasting your time and energy on these little stunts, and second because you'll eventually take one too far and do something stupid, something that costs you a lot more than a morning on the Hot Seat." And so we readers are hoping we get to see this great character Simon be challenged to achieve his potential, and in the course of all that, he might fall (do something stupid that carries great risk) and also perhaps make a run at redemption. Maybe I'm not expressing all that Eckert's getting me to hope for out of this story, but he's definitely getting me to care more for Simon, to increase my anticipation, to expect a lot of great story to come. Questions I'm wondering as a reader are: Will Simon take a stunt too far? If so, how? What does he stand to lose by doing this prank/stunt/mission? Is perhaps that word he chooses--"mission" rather than "stunt" or "prank"--signifying something about what Simon wants, or what he's trying to get out of these missions? A mission, it seems to me, has a deeper purpose than a stunt or prank does.
Perhaps it depends on where this chapter is placed--maybe we've actually already been introduced to Ingrid--but I was wondering if the first meeting between Simon and Ingrid could be even a little more momentous. I'm wondering, what could these characters do to make the occasion more momentous? Does Ingrid somehow intervene on Simon's behalf? Does Simon somehow help out the new girl with some aspect of starting at this new school (Simon has a lot of well-designed tricks--a la giving the waitress a cell phone and having her pose as his mom when the school calls--and so mage he can do something sneaky/clever to help out the new girl, like changing her grades or something?)? Also, since there's a vampire/speculative element to the story, I wonder if somehow Simon's being glamored here? If so, might Ingrid glamor him to the extent that he does something out of character, something that would surprise Mark? How does Ingrid "make a scene" in this scene? And how does Simon "make a scene" in this scene?* So I'm not sure what could be done to make the meeting even more momentous. First-meeting scenes are tricky, but awesome when pulled off with the virtuosity of Simon and Mark pulling off a mission!
CONT...
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying the movie references!
I thought the paragraphs on the Halloween missions are fun reading and they give depth to Simon and Mark's relationship and give a sense of place, but I do wonder if they take us out of the moment a bit. Perhaps some of that could be converted to dialogue? Maybe they argue a little about what to do for Halloween missions this year? Maybe these aren't missions that they've done in the past but ones that Simon's laying out for Mark in the here and now? I also wondered if the paragraph might open with a little dialogue ["So whatcha thinking', kid?", etc.,] before filling the reader in with exposition on why they're there [Principal "Eckert's just trying to make us sweat...] I don't know. A thought.
*Above I use that phrase "make a scene." What I'm thinking is that it's just interesting when characters do something to "make a scene" in the sense of "make a scene a great, enjoyable, memorable scene"--and I'm thinking that making a scene is all about action, is all in the characters doing something compelling/intriguing/surprising/etc. Eckert makes a scene by foregoing simple by-the-guidelines punishment for Simon and instead expressing genuine concern for Simon. Mark makes a scene by having the poise and taking the time to look at his arm around Simon, pretend to ponder it and how it might signify to an on observer that he and Simon are romantically bonded, and then responding to Ingrid. Simon makes a scene by saying, with a bit of audacity, "That's a lot more than two questions" to his principal. Perhaps Simon could make even more of a scene a beat later by, instead of resisting the urge to point out that Eckert must be checking himself out in the trophy case photos every morning in order to have seen and removed these before the first bell, acting on that urge and just saying this to Eckert.
All in all, I dig this book, Riley, and as Bill pointed out, I want to see the first chapters--and all the rest!
One last thing to add: I love it when I read something of such quality that I feel inspired to write better. That's what this piece has done for me--it makes story fun and gives me the urge to write.
Thanks for sharing!
--Andy
Riley,
ReplyDeleteFirst paragraphs in books and chapters are so important and your first paragraph is wonderful. You start with an engaging hook, “Eckert’s just trying to make us sweat.” I want to know what that’s all about as in why and how. Then you enrich the story by describing the how in a way that develops it (the how/chair) as a character. As you do that you also develop the characters of the principal and the main character. Then you end the paragraph with another hook. “Does it insufficiently support my lumbar? Absolutely. Is it scaring me straight? No way.” I see that as another hook because it’s funny and it’s the kind of thing an interesting personality would say. It also promises more of the same sort of thing. I want to read on.
You don’t go back on the promises made in the first paragraphs with lines like, “If I can handle five days a week of Jessi glaring a hole into the back of my head from her seat behind me in World Lit, with the Jennifers flanking me on either side and triangulating her fury, I can probably make it through one dinner with Jessi and her mom.”
In describing Ingrid you also give us a great line, “I mean, I’m not like instantly in love or anything. It’s more like I sense I’m in the company of greatness.” That line is great because it is set up so well. I don’t remember ever seeing a love interest introduced this way. It makes her intriguing and so out of Simon’s league. If he can get then it would be wow.
You make it even more difficult for Simon to get Ingrid by putting his best friend in the way. Mark definitely has a pair. I admire his confidence and how smoothly he’s connecting with Ingrid but I still want her to like Simon. I bet you did that on purpose. Well done. I will echo all of Andy’s observations with one small exception about how Simon reacts to Ingrid. I pretty much like it the way because Simon is so effected by her that he can’t intelligently react to her. His best friend Mark doesn’t know how she effecting Simon and neither does Ingrid but Simon feels it. The way it is now leaves room for how Simon is effected and a love triangle to be developed further later on. Too much right not could take something away from what’s going on with Eckert. However, on the flipside, Andy may also be right that you should hit the scene with Ingrid harder in some way. The title of the chapter is, Met a girl today. In the dean’s office. Maybe we need to see a bit more of Simon’s internal conflict concerning the girl. It’s just something you might try on to see if it fits.
I love Simon’s snarky voice.
This was so fun to read and as intriguing as always.
Alan