Dark is the Night--Chapter 4

As usual, I'm not providing you much to go on, because I'd like to get your impressions on the writing as it stands (mostly to see if any of it actually makes sense to anyone!). Any and all comments are welcome, and I'd especially love some notes on voice and characterization. Thanks, as always, for reading!

Ri

Sludge Beginning

Yikes! I just saw the schedule again. I had it in my head my piece was due on the 15th. But this is good. Here's the Sludge beginning again. Sorry, I can't leave it alone. It's what will sell the book and I've made a lot of changes. I'm going to a week long writers' conference in June. I'm supposed to submit to the group and Dave Farland, the writer of Rune Lords and bunch of other stuff, by April 17th. Any feedback before then so I can make changes before I submit would be helpful. I'll email the first 23 pages tonight. All comments are appreciated. What stands out as good or needing change or elimination?
Thanks