Hey Guys,
I finished a draft of Sludge. It turned out to be about 300 pages. I've also made some changes to the begging to make it jive with the what the rest of the book became. I'll also be submitting the first 35 pages to Tor Publishing so I'd really appreciate it if you'd gave another look at the first 20 pages with the new material. I'll be emailing it shortly. Does it flow with the new material? Does it make sense? How can I make it better? All comments on anything are always appreciated.
Thanks,
Alan
Writing that kicks your ass
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I love Glade. His voice is so, so strong. I cannot emphasize this enough. Not only is it fresh and fun, it’s very consistent. You obviously have a firm grasp on who this boy is, and we’re learning quickly, too, because of that. Great work.
ReplyDeleteYou established a great speculative fiction universe with some several references (and/or allusions) to classic sci fi (whether intentionally or not). There’s obvious Ender’s Game parallels with the whole kids-being-forced-to-play-a-strange-and-violent-game thing going on. Then there’s the classical music juxtaposed against unfortunate (and violent) circumstances, which makes me think of Kubrick’s A Clockwork. (I’m confident this story won’t go THERE, though ☺).
I also love how you toss in the Ozzy reference (as being classical or old music), which places us somewhere in the “future.” However, this is somewhat confused by the Dora references, which suggests the story is contemporary. I like how you’ve used the Dora/Boots references to enrich your story, though. I just think you need to somehow explain how Glade would know who these characters are (if they’ve been off the air for decades, or even centuries, at this point).
Something else I want to rave about: I don’t think I noticed this the last time I read it, but it occurred to me this time. It’s subtle, but this story could be viewed as a metaphor for junior high/middle school—one of the cruelest times of life. You have the sadistic adults conducting experiments on you, torturing you, and forcing you to do word problems; you have the torment of “gym class,” which you kind of both love and hate at the same time; and you have the other kids, who should be your friends and your peers but are instead pitted against you in a life or death struggle. I mention this only because I you’ve indicated you have a whole draft of this novel. I wouldn’t want to point this out too early, but if you’re in the revision phase, think about it. Are there connections between what these kids go through and what potential readers might be going through? My answer, YES! Maybe you can run with that!
Finally, this is an amazing OPENING! I’ll tell you why. Glade’s been in this place for eight months, but something’s different about this particular day. Today’s fistball match didn’t have many explosions (none past the first game). Then there’s Mr. Rogers taking it easy on him at study time. And then he actually bests the white Ninja. And finally they don’t make him drink the brown sludge. You show us the day-to-day life he lives in this place (the life he’s been living the past eight months), Alan, and then you provide us with the sense that something’s changing—something big is about to happen. Fantastic work!
First, Alan, CONGRATS ON FINISHING AND SENDING OUT THE PAGES!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy first and most important comment is that I WANT TO READ ON!!! I'M ACHING TO READ MORE!!!!! And I want to read on because I'm rooting for Glade and I ENJOY this story!!! Mad storytelling skills, Alan!!!
I echo Riley's comments about the references/allusions/twists on some classic sci fi stories and tropes. And I also saw fistball and this research complex being microcosms of the adolescent's experience in the world, which is run and structured by adults. Adults impose all sorts of norms and attitudes and codes of behavior on adolescents, and one thing I love about Glade is that he seems determined to keep alive the special part of himself that makes him, him. His darkly humorous way of seeing the world is both survival tactic and a way to sort of subvert what's being imposed on him. You've done a wonderful job of imagining the story world from the POV of this adolescent, Glade. And because of this, your readers will relate.
I envisioned the story taking place in the near future (at most twenty years, but perhaps less?) or being contemporary. The references to Ozzy, Dora, and Mr. Rogers are perhaps an odd combination--maybe, as Riley said, some reason for these being points of reference would help (maybe Glade's keepers make him watch Mr. Rogers and Dora reruns to pacify him, or maybe Glade has blurry memories of watching them before his captivity?). A minor thing. The technology and experimentation seem advanced but not so advanced that they would seem out of place in a "near future" scenario. Part of why the time period may be fuzzy for us is that Glade's memory of his life before his captivity is fuzzy, and it will become clear, I suspect, if Glade escapes into the outside world, as he did in a prior submission of this piece. Once we see the outside world through his eyes, we'll know for certain. All that said, so far the time period isn't concerning me too much--having read this section, I'm eager to read on!!!
I also echo Riley's comments about this being a stellar opening. And it feels like it's moving at the right pace for a 300-page story, if that makes sense. You've detailed the "ground situation" and dramatized how this situation is about to crumble and give way to a situation that will sort of let Glade loose.
My last and most important comment--which was also my first comment--I ENJOY THIS STORY AND I WANT TO READ ON!!!
A great story told well, Alan!!! Bravo!!!
First, Alan, CONGRATS ON FINISHING AND SENDING OUT THE PAGES!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy first and most important comment is that I WANT TO READ ON!!! I'M ACHING TO READ MORE!!!!! And I want to read on because I'm rooting for Glade and I ENJOY this story!!! Mad storytelling skills, Alan!!!
I echo Riley's comments about the references/allusions/twists on some classic sci fi stories and tropes. And I also saw fistball and this research complex being microcosms of the adolescent's experience in the world, which is run and structured by adults. Adults impose all sorts of norms and attitudes and codes of behavior on adolescents, and one thing I love about Glade is that he seems determined to keep alive the special part of himself that makes him, him. His darkly humorous way of seeing the world is both survival tactic and a way to sort of subvert what's being imposed on him. You've done a wonderful job of imagining the story world from the POV of this adolescent, Glade. And because of this, your readers will relate.
I envisioned the story taking place in the near future (at most twenty years, but perhaps less?) or being contemporary. The references to Ozzy, Dora, and Mr. Rogers are perhaps an odd combination--maybe, as Riley said, some reason for these being points of reference would help (maybe Glade's keepers make him watch Mr. Rogers and Dora reruns to pacify him, or maybe Glade has blurry memories of watching them before his captivity?). A minor thing. The technology and experimentation seem advanced but not so advanced that they would seem out of place in a "near future" scenario. Part of why the time period may be fuzzy for us is that Glade's memory of his life before his captivity is fuzzy, and it will become clear, I suspect, if Glade escapes into the outside world, as he did in a prior submission of this piece. Once we see the outside world through his eyes, we'll know for certain. All that said, so far the time period isn't concerning me too much--having read this section, I'm eager to read on!!!
I also echo Riley's comments about this being a stellar opening. And it feels like it's moving at the right pace for a 300-page story, if that makes sense. You've detailed the "ground situation" and dramatized how this situation is about to crumble and give way to a situation that will sort of let Glade loose.
My last and most important comment--which was also my first comment--I ENJOY THIS STORY AND I WANT TO READ ON!!!
A great story told well, Alan!!! Bravo!!!
First, Alan, CONGRATS ON FINISHING AND SENDING OUT THE PAGES!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy first and most important comment is that I WANT TO READ ON!!! I'M ACHING TO READ MORE!!!!! And I want to read on because I'm rooting for Glade and I ENJOY this story!!! Mad storytelling skills, Alan!!!
I echo Riley's comments about the references/allusions/twists on some classic sci fi stories and tropes. And I also saw fistball and this research complex being microcosms of the adolescent's experience in the world, which is run and structured by adults. Adults impose all sorts of norms and attitudes and codes of behavior on adolescents, and one thing I love about Glade is that he seems determined to keep alive the special part of himself that makes him, him. His darkly humorous way of seeing the world is both survival tactic and a way to sort of subvert what's being imposed on him. You've done a wonderful job of imagining the story world from the POV of this adolescent, Glade. And because of this, your readers will relate.
I envisioned the story taking place in the near future (at most twenty years, but perhaps less?) or being contemporary. The references to Ozzy, Dora, and Mr. Rogers are perhaps an odd combination--maybe, as Riley said, some reason for these being points of reference would help (maybe Glade's keepers make him watch Mr. Rogers and Dora reruns to pacify him, or maybe Glade has blurry memories of watching them before his captivity?). A minor thing. The technology and experimentation seem advanced but not so advanced that they would seem out of place in a "near future" scenario. Part of why the time period may be fuzzy for us is that Glade's memory of his life before his captivity is fuzzy, and it will become clear, I suspect, if Glade escapes into the outside world, as he did in a prior submission of this piece. Once we see the outside world through his eyes, we'll know for certain. All that said, so far the time period isn't concerning me too much--having read this section, I'm eager to read on!!!
I also echo Riley's comments about this being a stellar opening. And it feels like it's moving at the right pace for a 300-page story, if that makes sense. You've detailed the "ground situation" and dramatized how this situation is about to crumble and give way to a situation that will sort of let Glade loose.
My last and most important comment--which was also my first comment--I ENJOY THIS STORY AND I WANT TO READ ON!!!
A great story told well, Alan!!! Bravo!!!
Oh, I also wanted to mention that there are so many questions that are pulling me along. And one of them is "What is this sludge? What's in it? What does it do?" Compelling!
ReplyDeleteAlan,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the delay. Only benefit is I can read what Andy & Riley said and try not to duplicate. I love how Andy posted 3 times.
I think of "The Manchurian Candidate" movie about brainwashing Angela Lansbury's son Lawrence Harvey to kill a presidential candidate at her command. In the end Frank Sinatra kills Harvey who just killed Angela Lansbury. Glade is being brainwashed to do some evil. The guards tell us that. Here is a 13 year old facing what might as well be middle school class mates. Alan, is this an allegory or your vision of the future where people have to suffer horribly to become truly human as Mr. Rogers suggest. I love the story, but I am put off a bit by the references to actual characters, Rogers and Ozzy, and bathroom humor. I want this story to be like MT Anderson's Feed, set way in the future and since I never went to a middle school, just had a lot of nuns and priests torturing me, I never joked about bodily functions.
Your skills at creating physical connection are amazing; "I was just a piece of property to them; like a flashlight. And they were about to charge my batteries." I want to know what makes Glade want to survive. Most of us would find a way out of this horror pit or die trying. What drives him? Is it a memory? Is it a grandmother telling him he will live to be a 100? I love the "rabid grizzly bears stuffed into dog suits." The word problem is still keeping me up.
Great work Alan. Let us know how Tor responds.
Bill
Man, Alan. This was ENORMOUSLY entertaining. The pace, the action description, the mystery and most of all, Glade's hilarious and strong voice makes me cheer for him. Not to mention, I'm a sludge guy myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the previous installment you sent of this story, so sorry if my comments are off. But as an opening, I'm completely hooked. Without repeating what I wrote last year, I'd just like to say that I enjoy the audacity of it. But that's not the main thing that keeps me reading on. It's Glade's strength and survival through humor approach. There are so many memorable lines from him. I'm just kind of starstruck with the kid. I love all the short sentences and how they flow together like he's really just sharing his story out loud to me.
I do like taking a metaphorical perspective to what your doing here - like Andy and Riley mentioned. Honestly, it makes me feel more justified about laughing at the dark humor!
I have two suggestions.
I adore bathroom humor, but I second what Bill said. The fart jokes don't come off as well when positioned in the context of a sadistic game of child cruelty.
Then, Mr. Rodgers seemed to break character for a moment here:
"Mr. Rogers’ kindly smile looked a lot less kindly than it had the night before. “Won’t you be my n… next experiment,”
Does he need to break his kindly father figure persona and make a Mr. Rodgers joke? I think it's more terrifying and compelling when he just stay that gentle adult who happens to torture instead of nourish.
Really can't wait to see what Tor says about this? Clearly exceptional work, Alan.