Hey guys do you feel like this story stays true to the tone and heart of Eddie and Goob or does it get sidetracked? I'd also like to have more fun with this chapter in terms of language and humor. Any comments about anything are appreciated.
I heart Goob. And Eddie. And togetherness. You have such a wonderful story here. I’ve seen a lot of it (in pieces) now. I hope to see the full thing someday. Soon.
I like the moment with Eddie and his mom at the beginning of the chapter. Very tender. Very authentic. And I love the inclusion of “togetherness” in the discussion—and how, while Eddie is all about togetherness with Goob—he’s less enthusiastic about it when it comes to Kirk. Also, this feels like a possible foreshadow for things to come with Kirk. Yeah? Maybe? At any rate, good work.
Love the pee. And the detail of Eddie’s sopping hat. You have a lot of great, fun details like that.
I love the section where we’re introduced to Bert and Zubzub, especially the part where we learn Bert’s name (or perhaps, where Bert IS named). Nicely executed.
And the whole planet/ship with the hand-like space robots is great. I admit that I needed to read through the section twice to get a good picture of what they looked like, but then I got it no problem. You actually describe them quite well, I think.
And the whole image of these robots helping others by reaching out into space from this contraption is quite beautiful really. Plus I love how Bert and Zubzub “discover togetherness.” And the way their cables intertwine as they stretch out into the abyss? Inspired! Makes the chapter feel right. It has a nice arc—you know what I mean? It really works!
Oh, I just love it! The pairings of friends in the vast nothingness of space.
Actually makes me think of that Death Cab song “I Will Follow You Into the Dark.” Granted, this song is perhaps more about romantic togetherness than friendship togetherness, but the general idea’s the same: Caring about someone—wanting to be with that person—so much, that you’d literally follow him or her into nothingness.
I have a few questions and suggestions about particular words or phrases, but they’re so few (and so minor) they’re not worth mentioning here. I’ll send you a manuscript with some comments.
Keep on keeping on. And let me read the whole thing!
First off, Dave, MORE fun? This chapter is packed with FUN! Few things I've ever read have more fun units per page!
Ditto with Riley on many things! This chapter is about togetherness, and its blend of pathos (Bert bringing Zubzub back to life by touching his forehead to Zubzub's--such a wonderful moment!) and humor (so many examples, from the pee to the delightful villainy of Alien) and action. All in all, I feel this chapter does keep with EDDIE AND GOOB. That mixture of fun, action, pathos, and humor is magical.
Something else you do so wonderfully is vividly and elegantly render the sci-fi elements of this world. Things operate by clear rules--for example, Alien's mind-controlling ray turns the robots' blue lights to red, signaling that the robots are under Alien's control.
Have I mentioned what a delightful villain Alien is in this chapter?
Riley made an interesting observation about the chapter's opening--Eddie doesn't display the same desire for togetherness with Kirk, likely because it seems Kirk makes fun of him. I, too, have the notion that in the next chapter or two for there to be an episode involving Kirk somehow, to some extent that the Eddie/Kirk conflict rises, crests, and maybe resolves.
I, too, want to read more! Primarily for the fun, but also to see how you design the story--how the story works chapter to chapter, episode to episode. I wonder what the ultimate crisis will be--something that threatens Eddie and Goob's friendship somehow? Their friendship is definitely the heart of this story--a tiny detail like Good waiting outside for Eddie early in this chapter has such strong emotional pull.
Thank you Andy, Riley and Alan for your kind and helpful comments. You have encouraged me to write on, and I will say that yes, Kirk has a larger role in a later chapter. Bill, I must have sent this to your old email. Apologies for that. I'll send it your way but don't feel obligated to make comments. The next time around will be fine with me!
Dave.
ReplyDeleteI heart Goob. And Eddie. And togetherness. You have such a wonderful story here. I’ve seen a lot of it (in pieces) now. I hope to see the full thing someday. Soon.
I like the moment with Eddie and his mom at the beginning of the chapter. Very tender. Very authentic. And I love the inclusion of “togetherness” in the discussion—and how, while Eddie is all about togetherness with Goob—he’s less enthusiastic about it when it comes to Kirk. Also, this feels like a possible foreshadow for things to come with Kirk. Yeah? Maybe? At any rate, good work.
Love the pee. And the detail of Eddie’s sopping hat. You have a lot of great, fun details like that.
I love the section where we’re introduced to Bert and Zubzub, especially the part where we learn Bert’s name (or perhaps, where Bert IS named). Nicely executed.
And the whole planet/ship with the hand-like space robots is great. I admit that I needed to read through the section twice to get a good picture of what they looked like, but then I got it no problem. You actually describe them quite well, I think.
And the whole image of these robots helping others by reaching out into space from this contraption is quite beautiful really. Plus I love how Bert and Zubzub “discover togetherness.” And the way their cables intertwine as they stretch out into the abyss? Inspired! Makes the chapter feel right. It has a nice arc—you know what I mean? It really works!
Oh, I just love it! The pairings of friends in the vast nothingness of space.
Actually makes me think of that Death Cab song “I Will Follow You Into the Dark.” Granted, this song is perhaps more about romantic togetherness than friendship togetherness, but the general idea’s the same: Caring about someone—wanting to be with that person—so much, that you’d literally follow him or her into nothingness.
I have a few questions and suggestions about particular words or phrases, but they’re so few (and so minor) they’re not worth mentioning here. I’ll send you a manuscript with some comments.
Keep on keeping on. And let me read the whole thing!
Riley
Dave,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Dave, MORE fun? This chapter is packed with FUN! Few things I've ever read have more fun units per page!
Ditto with Riley on many things! This chapter is about togetherness, and its blend of pathos (Bert bringing Zubzub back to life by touching his forehead to Zubzub's--such a wonderful moment!) and humor (so many examples, from the pee to the delightful villainy of Alien) and action. All in all, I feel this chapter does keep with EDDIE AND GOOB. That mixture of fun, action, pathos, and humor is magical.
Something else you do so wonderfully is vividly and elegantly render the sci-fi elements of this world. Things operate by clear rules--for example, Alien's mind-controlling ray turns the robots' blue lights to red, signaling that the robots are under Alien's control.
Have I mentioned what a delightful villain Alien is in this chapter?
Riley made an interesting observation about the chapter's opening--Eddie doesn't display the same desire for togetherness with Kirk, likely because it seems Kirk makes fun of him. I, too, have the notion that in the next chapter or two for there to be an episode involving Kirk somehow, to some extent that the Eddie/Kirk conflict rises, crests, and maybe resolves.
I, too, want to read more! Primarily for the fun, but also to see how you design the story--how the story works chapter to chapter, episode to episode. I wonder what the ultimate crisis will be--something that threatens Eddie and Goob's friendship somehow? Their friendship is definitely the heart of this story--a tiny detail like Good waiting outside for Eddie early in this chapter has such strong emotional pull.
Wonderful work, Dave!
Thank you Andy, Riley and Alan for your kind and helpful comments. You have encouraged me to write on, and I will say that yes, Kirk has a larger role in a later chapter. Bill, I must have sent this to your old email. Apologies for that. I'll send it your way but don't feel obligated to make comments. The next time around will be fine with me!
ReplyDelete